When you think you know someone,
you really don't know them at all.
The things they tell you, promises galore,
don't seem to match up when truth tells all.
You end up confused,
"This shouldn't have happened to me"
the evidence was all there
yet the thought passed speedily.
How can you fix something,
when it's not yours to fix?
And how can you stand it,
when the one you love's in the mix?
After the initial shock you find,
support is all you can give.
When this realization comes,
It's hard to live how you once did.
Yet the love's still there
just as it always was,
it's just caused more scars to form
on this heart that loves because.
The brokenness will pass,
time heals most all wounds,
but there will always be evidence
in the scars caused by these tycoons.

just a quick 10 min poem... i guess.
~Liz

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Everyone has problems in their relationships right?
Well, I guess I don't know everything about other people's
lives... but I can't imagine they have been faced with the
things I have more recently. Wow... I'm just... confused
I guess... and hurt. And I really feel dumb because there
was so much evidence towards it and I never saw it coming..
in either of the instances. I'm trying to be strong.. trying to
handle everything well.. but I think I'm still hoping to wake
up and remember this all as just a dream...
I thought I had it all figured out- looked at all the variables
and saw the various paths my life could take- well, I guess
I wasn't even close to knowing how things would really
turn out. There's a good chance that things can still work out,
but there's also a good chance that everything will screw up..
and I'll be left with nothing, except more scars on my heart.
I thought my old ones had been healing-that those times were
over- that I was going to be given a new beginning- I guess I
hoped for too much. I don't think I know how to live a life
without serious set backs... I don't think I'll ever get the chance.
It just hurts because you honestly think you know someone...
and you find out you never really knew them at all. I do give
second chances, but after the initial hurt, there's always doubt,
always a mark that will never go away.
I know this is vague, but I'd rather not have sympathy right now,
or ever. I just had to share some of it... I haven't had my big cry
yet since my room mate stayed the night last night- so there's a lot
of pent up emotions and I had to let a few specs loose on here...
I don't know why, I guess maybe the gossipy nature of people,
but just writing on here releases a little...
If you could please pray for me, and especially the two people
who I referred to, I would appreciate it a lot... God knows
we aren't going to make it through this alone.
With love,
Liz

Yeah, so my cell phone decided it wanted a bath new year's morning... so it hopped right into the washer with my clothes. I later found it upon transitioning my clothes to the dryer, it had no spark of life left in it.
But I decided we should try cell phone CPR. It has somewhat worked so far. First we put her in the dryer (my celly is definitely feminine), multiple runs later (just short bursts to allow water to evaporate... she was wrapped in a towel and then a sock) she had some life back! Granted, all she said to me was "battery charging power off" even with the absence of a power cord to charge her... but there was life!!! After a few more trips to the dryer I plugged her in and called Josh =) the first three rings were good then she sounded like she was about to explode so I quit lol. She's now in the oven for one more attempt at life. The top three buttons no longer work and either does my menu button... but everthing else seems to be going alright... minus her suicide attempts when I call ppl... Wish me luck!

WOOOOOOOT!!!!
Fall is here! Yeah, bout time. haha. I'm so excited =) It's perfect hoodie weather again, which is deliciously amazing I dunno why I'm so obsessed with fall but I most definitely am. Last night I went outside in my hoodie and jeans with my ipod, my chill weather, and my seclusion. Sometimes being alone is just what the Dr. ordered... so nice. I skipped to the beat of Here in Your Arms. I've been off of that song for a while but last night it was just perfect- the constant rhythm was just right for my mood- not exactly the lyrics since I was alone and looking like a crazy person smiling like a fool, skipping across campus in the middle of the night. I don't know how fall affects me in that way, but it does. I can be completely stressed out, then just step outside into the brisk air and either listen to the breeze or my ipod while walking or going for a run. Oh! I also LOOOOOVVVVE the sound of leaves crunching under my feet and the general smell of my dear autumn Yay! It's just a pleasure to all of my five senses. I wish it could be autumn all year round, that would be amazing. I really hope I get some delicious pumpkin pie soon... that would complete the autumn experience! And none of the "fresh ideas" (our campus food service) pumpkin pie- that would spoil it. haha
So, my plans for tonight... Go to workstudy and get paid to watch my beloved Grey's Anatomy which I have recently forsaken, and possibly finish my essay that's due Monday (eh, maybe.) Then I think I'm going to check out one of the parties on campus. Probably not one of my wiser decisions... but I'm very curious about them. This of course means that I will be getting a max of 4 hours of sleep tonight.. probably 3 or less... because I have work tomorrow morning which I need to get up at 5 for. fun fun. (and I work until midnight tonight) Then tomorrow I get off of work at about 3ish.. so I'll be able to take a very quick shower (hopefully) and then go to my work-study again from 4-7 and by that time my family will be here! woot!
Then this weekend... depending on what goes down (hehe) I will probably end up going with them to Troy Friday night then I'll have to get up at 5 or 5:30 Saturday morning in order to go do my various community service projects of which I'll drag the poor boyfriend along (I'm evil bwahaha) The first thing is serving breakfast for the Autism Walk in Forest park- that's from 7-10:30, then we have to be back at Maryville by 11 to go along with my floor to the bowling ally to help with the Special Olympics =) It should be fun... We are gonna be exhausted though.. Oh well, it's autumn so it's all good After that is over- 5ish- we'll head back to Troy.. possibly stopping by cici's pizza on the way home since it's delicious and cheap food (most amazing combo eva!)
So, that's my life at the moment. Pretty busy, very fast paced. I've still managed to incorporate at least 30min of exercise daily, sometimes closer to an hour... I'm such a good little girl *tehe!* But then I procrastinate pretty badly on hw assignments. The classes are so easy though... I'm probably not going to get as good of grades because I'm so bored all the time and don't put much effort into them. I'm trying to be better about that, but... *sigh*
Oh, and I have an extremely CREEPY stalker now! That's no fun. and apparently he's coming onto campus today... yeah, I'm gonna do my best to avoid him... He'll be coming here for the spring semester and found me online since I'm already here. He really doesn't understand the definition of "NO" or "HELL NO" or "I have a boyfriend... leave me ALONE!" He's getting to the scary point b/c he just won't stop bothering me. I sign onto AIM as invisible now to avoid him but he still messages me on facebook... Yesterday he sent me a message saying that he was going to be on campus today and would like to drop by my room and hang out... ??? WTF? my room? Are you out of your mind??? wow. And then he had the nerve to ask me for my phone number AGAIN! This is the 3rd time he has asked for it, and he still hasn't gotten the point that I want absolutely nothing to do with him.. Then he goes on and on about how ugly he is and how I don't like him (uh, yeah! wonder why..) but he's going for the whole pity plea. Then he always tells me how he wants to see my "pretty face in person and hear your beautiful voice" ... which is where I run to the bathroom and throw up. He just won't stop, and it's scary now because he is trying so hard. I'm afraid to completely piss him off because he seems like the person who could just snap. I'm really not sure what to do in this situation... I really wish I had some good guy friends here... of the intimidating variety.. then I wouldn't feel as insecure right now...
Hmm.. and fyi, I don't take offense to other peoples' compliments... as long as you and I have been friends, and it's a sweet thing, not a "I wanna get in your pants" kind-of thing. Just wanted to make sure that was clear so that no one who reads this thinks I was offended by anything they might have said
Other than the creepy stalker and the boring school... things are going pretty well. I'm developing more meaningful friendships with people and starting to feel like I might belong here after all.
Quick funny story then I'm off lol. So, last night David came over (he's good friends with some of the girls on my floor and we're decent acquaintances from the church group)... he was asking for some food because no one over there had anything to feed him... I told him he could check out my food drawer. So he pulls it open (keep in mind, I don't know this kid all that well, except that he's a good and sweet guy) and he looks in it for about three seconds then pulls out this bag of beef jerky - I totally forgot it was in there... it was in the back- and asked me shakily what it was and so I just said beef jerkey. He was like uh huh... it's covered in mold. *LOL* it was SOOOO gross! And the poor kid thinks I'm the dirtiest girl on campus now haha. Wow. So I'm going to keep better track of all the food in that drawer. Taylor then went out and talked to him later (she's my room mate) and he told her he got some good food from someone else, not the completely nasty and disgusting beef Jerky I had.. oops? haha.
And that's all I've got for now!
<3 y'all
~Lizard